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"SUGAR AND SPICE AND EVERYTHING NICE"
Cultural programing can be insidious or downright obvious. It starts in utero even before we are born. The most obvious, we can escape, IF we learn to tune in and cancel it.
The newborn has no such ability. S/he is relentlessly programed by parents, relatives, friends, teachers and media through infancy, childhood and, unless s/he be-comes aware, throughout adulthood.
Even
those of us who become aware and turn off the programming, may contribute
to the next generation's, because this cultural training is built right
in to our social customs.
Next time you meet up with friends/relatives and their baby, monitor yourself. Do you react and talk differently to a girl baby than you do to a boy baby? Do you find yourself saying variations of, "What a big strong man he is" and "She's such a sweet little doll."
From nursery rhymes to Walt Disney, the message is pounded in. Females are: weak, vain, little, birds, candy, victims, helpless, etc. Males are: strong, reckless, big, men, achievers, aggressive, etc.
And now, when we really need her, one of our media icons is leaving -- Murphy Brown. Aside from fantasy, provided by Xena or bondage as provided by Nakita, TV mostly offers us a "woman as wimp" fare. No media hype here about "final episode" -- just relief that a strong woman persona is off the tube.
Predominant message for women is "It's too hard to fight this equality battle so I'll settle for being fashionable and witty and cute and indecisive and emotional while still working outside the home waiting for Mr. Right to come along and take me away from all of this," or "Someday my prince will come."
Despite all this hype, there are girls and women who ignore it and define themselves. We see it in some young girls who have escaped the programming through enlightened parents and sports. They are encouraged to develop their minds and their bodies to their potential -- not according to their gender. They do not scream at insects but may even be totally fascinated with spiders and other creepy-crawly creatures!
We see it in some young women who flourish in the atmosphere provided at female-only colleges. And, of course, we see it often in women of all ages who suddenly find out that the Disney story-tale world is a farce and a sham and discover that "daddy's little girl" is really "daddy's little dope."
It can be a frightening revelation to go along with a Barbie doll mind-set since birth, and then become aware that their gender is less valued in our culture.
The first time such a woman experiences a situation where a mediocre male is promoted instead of her, or when her work and ideas are stolen by males and passed off as theirs, may be very traumatic.
It is also sensitizing. She can now begin to realize that her worth is mostly only a factor of how she appeal to males -- especially how her body appeals. Lacking a killer body, she may note that dumb servility works almost as well.
She will note how "facts" may change depending on the circumstances when the media reviews events with its typical gender bias.
A recent case in point:
A few weeks ago, the media reported that a father had been charged with kidnapping his children. A few days later the wording had changed significantly although the facts did not. Kidnapping was replaced by "spirited away" and the father was portrayed as rescuing his children from their mother.
But, science says it's in our nature, isn't it? We have been taught that men are fierce and women are docile. To prove this, we are given the "facts." Human behavior evolved from warlike, male-dominated chimpanzees.
But, the facts that are given us are selective. We are just as related to BONOBOS. Never heard of them? Not too surprising as they hurt the old male dominance theories.
Bonobos are apes where the females are clearly in charge. They are a peaceful society. They in no way fit the tales we've been told by evolutionists who described us "as decidedly chimplike -- a violent, hierarchical society led by powerful, competitive males."
Although the female bonobos are only 85% as big as males, "they embody sisterhood, banding together to take charge."
If this peaks your interest, there's lots more in a new book: Bonobo: The Forgotten Ape, by Frans de Wall.
Whatever theory of evolution you choose to espouse, clearly we do have choices.
Two cute little rhymes are passed on from generation to generation to program our children: One tells boys they are alive and active. The other tells girls they are inert cookie-dough.
Courage, strength, sensitivity, intelligence and creativity -- that's what little children, of both genders, are made of.
1998-021
Copyright 1998 Renee T. Louise and Ruth M. Sprague, Ph.D. These articles may be republished for noncommercial use only, provided that they are copied intact, and that this copyright notice is attached. Address all queries to: TWANDA@ConnRiver.net.
G e n d e r G a p p e r s T M
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