SOME CHEESE
        TO GO WITH YOUR WHINE?

        Now that the vote has been taken and clearly shows that 2/3 of the Senate did not think there was a case or it was not proven, we can kick back and wait for Kennie, the Death-Starr and the irreligious right to figure out what to investigate next.

        Meanwhile, we must tolerate as best we can the whining of the House Managers who lined up before the T.V. cameras and mikes following the Senate vote.

        Youthful indiscretion Hyde told us that he knew from the start that the impeachment wouldn't work but felt he had no *choice* but to go on with it.

        Henry!  Baby!  You always have choices -- unless you're a woman and some knight of the church, like you, labors to take choice away from you.

        One of the 13 Managers speaking after the NOT guilty vote was the same runt of the litter who kept trying out for class clown of the Senate.  He not only found little to be funny about this time, but we noticed that he'd lost about 2/3 of his Southern drawl.

        Never mind.  He will be seen on all the talking head shows with accent renewed and a new supply of folksy humor to go along with the anti-Clinton vitriol he disperses.

        He'll just go on and on, sifting through the pile of horse manure that Starr's office collected, looking for the pony that just has to be in there somewhere.  Well, we promised the Managers some cheesy bits so first a block of sharp Vermont cheddar.

        Gentleman Jim Jeffords (R-VT) was the first to jump ship and declare his intent to vote NOT guilty on both articles.

        His office staff caught the calls from the very people that concurred with the House Manager's characterization and complaints about the President.

        Most of the callers were furiously angry, some threatening, and many callers used obscenities.  One told a young woman staffer that "she should go to the White House and have sex with the President."

        Makes sense, doesn't it?  If you can't wallop the Senator because he didn't vote Rychous-right, then take a nasty swipe at his office staff.  A sort of 180 degree method of turning the other cheek and oh, so law abiding.

        Ironic, isn't it that the followers of Hyde and his fellow morality police use filthy obscenities and threats to intimidate?  One would think they would be more prayerful and devout.  What was all that about "upholding the law" again?

        In an interview with CNN, Senator Jeffords revealed that fellow Repugnants put a great deal of pressure on him to make him vote guilty. They told him that he owed it to their "base" -- the unchristian coalition.

        Now, for a piquant change of pace, we offer a chunk of Swiss cheese.  As one of the holiest cheeses, it seems apropos.

        Our savior and protector, the Rev. Jerry Falwell, has come through for the children of America and the world today by outing Twinkie Winkie!

        Perhaps you knew T.W. as one of four Tellie Tubbies who entertain your children, but, we have been warned!

        That character is spreading the cult of homosexuality among our children.  How, you ask?  Falwell tells us that Twinkie Winkie is obviously a male character and IS CARRYING A HANDBAG.

        That is not all.  T.W. has a TRIANGLE  for its antenna and a triangle is the gay symbol.

        And as conclusive proof:  Twinkie Winkie is PURPLE and purple is the gay color.

        All of this evidence will be reviewed by the Managers and approved, since it is composed of the same sort of excretory material they built their impeachment case on.

        Finally, we shake a huge helping of Parmesan, liberally, over Italy's Court of Cassation for ruling that it is impossible to rape a woman who is wearing jeans.

        Truly, truly, the Managers and the rest of the VRWC (vast right wing conspiracy) has got to love their reasoning since it is so much like that of such luminaries as Kennie Starr and Hankie Hyde.

        The Court, declaring that "it is impossible to take off tight pants such as jeans without the cooperation of the person wearing them, ...and it is likewise impossible if the victim is struggling," overturned a rape conviction of a 45-year-old driving instructor for raping an 18-year old student.

        Jeans have become an alibi for RAPE, as if another one was necessary.

        This ruling has quite a few Italian women fuming.  One of them, Stefania Sidoli, remarked, "We thank the courts for having enriched women's wardrobes with a new garment.  To the business suit and the little black dress, we can now add the anti-rape outfit: a comfortable and resistant pair of jeans."

        Made us think of an old "Confucius saying", popular over 50 years ago.

        "Confucius say there is no such thing as rape.  Woman with pants up can run much faster than man with pants down."

        twanda@together.net

        1999-008

        Copyright 1999 Renee T. Louise and Ruth M. Sprague, Ph.D. These articles may be republished for noncommercial use only, provided that they are copied intact, and that this copyright notice is attached. Address all queries to: twanda@together.net.

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