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"...
WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS MY NAME"
Perhaps you've never thought about your own name very often. It just sort of came with you and you accept it as the label that means YOU.
However, since more and more women begin to DEFINE THEMSELVES, more and more women are paying attention to their name and furthermore are demanding that they retain it in marriage just as men have ALWAYS done.
Here is a quote worth thinking about from a woman writing to Ann Landers. "I cannot describe the feelings I had about disappearing as an individual. I did not receive class reunion invitations and my friends could not find my name in the phone book." She had succumbed to the pressure of her future husband who said, "If you don't change your name you don't love me," and from family and friends who told her "What if you have children? People will think they are illegitimate."
Our NAMES are special to us even at an early age. Thousands of school children from around the world had their names listed on a CD carried by the Mars Polar Lander which NASA have lost contact with. That the Lander is lost does not matter to one 5 year old. Max has "his NAME on Mars or near it" and he says "It makes me feel bigger."
NAMES define and
shape events in ways that continually escape
our notice unless we are really paying attention or have been cued in to
be observant. Any woman who has been on women's lists knows that
even though all the NAMES of the contributors are women's NAMES, sometimes
one or more of them is being used by a man or boy.
Some weirdos thought it was such fun to go PEEP TOMMING onto women's lists. Usually they could only stand the fun just so long and had to "set those stupid bitches straight" and thus reveal themselves.
We've heard from a few women who crashed male-only lists. They reported most were too boring to sustain their interest since only one topic was ever presented, and that only at the Neanderthal level. But many women soon noticed how differently they were responded to on gender neutral lists, depending on the "gender-obvious-NAME" they subscribed with. Responses were vastly different to the same opinions expressed depending on whether they were made as "Sally" or "Sam."
An experience like this can be a real eye-opener to the social programming we labor under all our lives. It presents us with clear choices and suggests options to redefine ourselves. It awakens our awareness in a multitude of ways that are hard to describe. We learn how greatly our perceptions can vary depending on whether we are talking to, or hearing from, one gender or the other, BASED ONLY ON THE NAME THEY REVEAL.
Gender names and expectations have been programmed deeply within all of us for eons. Before the internet was even born, women were working to gain an equal footing with men in the job market. Newspapers used to have HELP WANTED- FEMALE and HELP WANTED-MALE columns and you can guess the kind of jobs offered for each. Women all over the country protested this discrimination and forced the newspapers to discontinue the female/male specific listings.
But the change was only cosmetic. We found that we could apply for any position, but were told that the job had been filled or some other excuse was given. Women and men in college and university public interest research groups paired up to apply for various positions to document the discrimination. A female and a male would separately present a similar profile of work experience and education over the phone to the same company listed in a newspaper's want ads.
Invariably, the woman was told the job was filled while the man was called in for an interview. It was not just the voice on the phone either since the pairs would also apply in writing so all the prospective employer got was a NAME. The results were the same as the phone calls.
As late as the sixties, businesses still saw a women's NAME as non-adult. When the women's movement leaders encouraged us to buy some items on "time payment," it was so we could establish a credit rating. Of course, we had a first name, but it was proceeded by Mrs. (Ms. did not exist then). Therefore, in most cases establishing our own credit rating was easier said than done because even women with jobs and a good income were required to produce their husbands NAME on the credit application to indicate that "SHE HAD HIS PERMISSION."
Ancient history? Not really. We have seen some rapid changes this century that continue to affect women's lives but there has also been some backsliding. Freedom, often difficult to gain, is an easy thing to lose when we allow our awareness to decay through disuse.
Nowhere is an absence of freedom more obvious than in countries that rule by religion. In Pakistan, for example, 3 out of 4 women in jail are there because THEY WERE RAPED! Rape violates a Pakistani law that forbids sex before marriage. This law, based on religion, punishes women who are the victims of a terrible violence.
Just
like Pakistan, we have religious zealots in this country who want our government
to control everyone according to THEIR religious beliefs. An excellent
case in point is the huge opposition against *MARRIAGE* between two people
of the same gender.
The Rychus Ones are quick to say that it is O.K. for "these couples" to have all the legal benefits of marriage under the law, but THEY MUST NOT USE THE NAME "marriage." We thought this rather strange and asked the question.
What's in a name? In this case for them, everything. It would weaken the biblical-driven illusion that men are superior to women. The bible is quite specific about the word "marriage" -- LINKING it to the superiority of the male gender in a marriage.
For them, the NAME is the GAME. They insist that the biblical definition and hierarchy of "marriage" be preserved and perpetuated. They demand that women remain subordinate and dependent.
1999-051
Copyright 1999 Renee T. Louise and Ruth M. Sprague, Ph.D. These articles may be republished for noncommercial use only, provided that they are copied intact, and that this copyright notice is attached. Address all queries to: twanda@together.net.
G e n d e r G a p p e r s T M
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