"...'TIS FOLLY TO BE WISE."

Madison Avenue has us pegged. Give us a glitzy, attractive package with a pretty bow on top and we're hooked. It doesn't seem to matter what's in a box, it's the covering that counts. We'll joyously grab the one with eye appeal. Of course, once we've we get to see beyond the wrapping, we often are really disgusted because we got fooled -- but do we ever learn?

Apparently many women have bought into the old saw, "When ignorance is bliss 'tis folly to be wise." They blissfully proclaim their admiration for one presidential candidate over another based on his outer wrapping. Let's see if we can pull a few virtual strings and examine the fancy façades arranged by two campaigns and how they got there.

We'll do this "media style": first we take a few facts and then we weave a creative and entertaining fable for your amusement. So come with us now behind the scenes of a campaign and we'll show you how candidate A and candidate B get rapped er, wrapped.

Just a bit of background before we dress each mannequin. Unless you've been on an island for the last year or so, you know both candidates are the sons of fathers who held high political office. They both have a past of escaping military combat by virtue of daddy's influence: A went overseas as an army reporter. B weekend warriored in the National Guard.

Both carry baggage from their past. A received big tobacco support long after he decried his sister's death from tobacco at a Democrat Convention. B was youthfully indiscrete with drugs and alcohol but won't admit it or discuss it. Both have spoken or claimed fame that was not theirs. A once declared that he invented the Internet when actually he was a big supporter of it. B claims he is responsible for great progress in environmental and educational programs in his state but statistics show there has been little or no improvement and he vetoed the health care bill he claims to have supported.

A has many years experience in government at the federal and international level. B has a few years experience in government at the state level. But, as we have said, that does not appear to matter, so on to the packaging.

A is a man with tons of experience, know how and intelligence -- that is bad! It must be covered up because we, the people just do not like smarties. Besides, A is pedantic. He appears to preach or lecture rather than to inform or elucidate. He can be stiff and wooden, appearing standoffish, and people do not warm to him.

B is the proverbial, charming frat-boy at age 50-something. When flustered or otherwise at loss for what to do or say, B smirks. This facial expression is a cross between a cry for Mylanta and a girlish giggle. B is certainly no rocket scientist and has made many mistakes in syntax and pronunciation. He frequently demonstrates his ignorance of current or past events. His handlers have avoided or deflected most problems of this sort first by keeping the press happy, and by having B stick to repeating certain pat phrases over and over.

To sum up: B has little experience but many advisors, so while A appears wooden LIKE a puppet, B IS a puppet.

What we have here are two candidates with good and bad points. It is apparent that if we could take the good points from each, we'd have a great candidate and he'd be --> our present President, C. Nope, been there, done that -- 2 term limit. It is now between A and B.

A must have his smarts muted and be made to appear vibrant and sexy. B needs to appear smart and informed and lose the smirk. With the problems identified, the campaigns went to work. A was dressed down, coached in unlimbering his spine, encouraged to run, and appear energetic. He was relentlessly harassed by his staff to abandon his pedantic speaking style.

B was tutored daily and force-fed facts about the country, government and world. His staff was charged with constantly keeping at him to lose the smirk by making him watch hours and hours of President C. Lots of effort was expended, but still the handlers were not satisfied. B was ahead in the polls, but the debates were coming soon and then what?

A was warming up, but still could be stiff and boring. What to do? Science to the rescue! Implanted computer chips would complete the camouflage, the disguise, the false front for each candidate.

Now, when A starts to stiffen up, a brief shock to his spinal nerves makes him loosey-goosey all over and reminds him to stop lecturing. A smirk may begin on B's face; however, it triggers a shock to his facial nerve which cuts it off in mid-grimace. But it is the miniscule speaker located near his organ of corti that works the real magic. Through this tiny, implant, his crew of advisors can feed him not only the correct information to answer questions, but also explain what the big words mean.

Ain't science wonderful? Too bad we cannot all be implanted with chips that make us look beyond the packaging to the product. We would not find ignorance so blissful and might then prevent the folly and the fall out of our own bad choices.

twanda@gendergappers.org  

2000-029

Copyright 2000 Renee T. Louise and Ruth M. Sprague, Ph.D. These articles may be republished for noncommercial use only, provided that they are copied intact, and that this copyright notice is attached. Address all queries to: twanda@gendergappers.org.

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