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THE WORLD'S MOST SECRET WEAPON
We've
all heard how the military are faring in their lightning conquest of the
Taliban and their unconquerable country. We've all watched the bombs drop
and seen the pictures of both the hits and the misses. For the military
(male) mind, the habit of believing that loud booms and bravado = success
in war, are hard to break, but let's give it a shot. C'mon guys! Think
outside the box.
What is it that the Tali's and all terrorists hate and fear the most? WOMEN. Now we have known that for some time. We've seen and heard the women of RAWA who have been desperately fighting for their very lives in their country. However, it seems the boys in the Pentagon have not.
That's the real problem, isn't it? The movers and shakers in this police action are all men. And yes, we know about Condi Rice in the chief-in-chief's office. But even if she had any influence at all, her input is hugely diluted. The USA ranks 45th of the world's countries in number of women leaders. That is absolutely indefensible!
It's time we broke through the testosterone curtain and got their attention. The totally worst thing that could happen to the Tali's is to have the crap beaten out of them by women. At present, there is one woman flying a Tomcat over them dropping bombs but there are others able to join the fray if they were allowed.
Yes, there is that little matter of the reluctance of this Country to let women go into combat even though there are many who want to volunteer. It seems some people are terrified of what those horrible people would do to "our women" if they were captured.
What? Do you mean they would batter, rape and/or murder them? Hell! We're battle hardened for that treatment already. A huge percentage of women get that from their husbands, fathers or boyfriends before they are out of their teens - just look at the statistics. And don't ever forget the years we've spent facing up to those "evil evil-doers of evil" who have terrorized our clinics.
Actually at this point, we only need to create an illusion until we can get battalions of women up to speed. Right now, we should instigate a propaganda barrage that makes it appear that women are in the majority of the forces fighting them right now. We've got the ability to broadcast whatever we want to. When did the truth ever get in the way of war reports from the government?
Use a little ingenuity, guys! Make sure all that battlefield chatter is in women's voices. Keep Rummy and General Powell the hell out of Pakistan and off TV. Instead, send in General Kennedy and Barbara, Susan, Mary etc. Meanwhile, we can begin to train more women who have volunteered to go into combat.
Our thanks to subscriber "B"
for sending us a copy of the following slightly whimsical proposal. For
the most part, we agree with it except for two things: the age limits (most
Grandmas nowadays don't even own a rocking chair!) and outfitting these
Amazons
with Prozac is ridiculous. Warrior women on a butt-kicking quest would
not require mind-altering chemicals. Other than that, we'd bet that if
this terrible weapon were unleashed, the Tali's would not only run for
the hills, they'd jump off once they got to the top. Take
all American women who are within five years of menopause - train us for
a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, moisturizer
with SPF15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate, and canned tuna -drop us (parachuted,
preferably) across the landscape of Afghanistan, and let us do what comes
naturally. Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard
stuff like grocery shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to make
even armed men in turbans tremble.
We've had our children, we would gladly suffer or die to protect them and their future. We'd like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left already. And for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by lightning. We have nothing to lose. We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet, and the grapefruit diet in gyms and saunas across America and never lost a pound. We can easily survive months in the hostile terrain of Afghanistan with no food at all!
We've spent years tracking down our husbands or lovers in bars, hardware stores, or sporting events... finding bin Laden in some cave will be no problem. Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan in a new government? Oh, please... we've planned the seating arrangements for in-laws and extended families at Thanksgiving dinners for years... we understand tribal warfare. Between us, we've divorced enough husbands to know every trick there is for how they hide, launder, or cover up bank accounts and money sources. We know how to find that money and we know how to seize it... with or without the government's help! Let us go and fight.
The Taliban hates women. Imagine their terror as we crawl like ants with hot-flashes over their godforsaken terrain. -- Author unknownAnd imagine the joy of the RAWA (Revolutionary Army of Women of Afghanistan) who would join our latter-day Amazons. Our women warriors would bring in food and shelter along with their guns and start at once, with RAWA, in village after village helping the Afghanis recover from the scourge of many wars.
Best of all, women for the first time would have a seat at the bargaining table. Never forget that our country and Russia pulled out of Afghanistan and left women at the mercy of the Taliban. This time, OUR WOMEN MUST MAKE SURE THAT SUCH ATROCITIES ARE NEVER REPEATED.
