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- G e n d e r G a p p e r s T M
FAUX NEWS INTERVIEW
| Most everyone has commented on how the
media have changed from their usual role of watchdogs to government lapdogs
that faithfully spiel out whatever the Cheney/Bush administration tells
them to.
GenderGappers decided to investigate this strange reversal of vocation. Our investigation led us to an illuminating interview with a veteran White House reporter, Nathaniel L. Straightpooper. Here it is verbatim. Q: You have covered the White House during other administrations. How does the Cheney/Bush differ from them in respect to you reporters? A: It is vastly different. The Bushies like reporters. They go out of their way to make us welcome. The pressroom has been done over and now is more like a spa. There is always food around for us and someone to do any research we ask for. Q: We thought reporters did their own research so they could write without bias. A: Mostly we do, but here we just have to let Press Secretary Ari's staff know what we want and they get it for us. And they put pictures in, like they did the budget so they are easier to read and understand. Q: Both pros and cons of an issue, you mean? How can that be? A: Well, you see, before they decide what their policy is on something they research the pros and cons. So they just give us this work that has already been done. Q: And that works for you? You feel no need to check sources yourself? A: Oh yes, many times we do. Even then Ari's staff lines up the interviews for us with anyone we ask for. Q: That is handy, Mr. Straightpooper. You just ask for anyone you want to question on an issue and "SHAZAM!" Sounds like a great procurement agency you've got going for you. A: You misunderstand. We don't ask for a specific person -- just someone with an opposing viewpoint. Ari knows who they are and makes sure we get an interview with them. And that goes for anyone in the administration. If we have questions for Mr. Cheney, his aide Mary comes out and gives us all the time we need. Q: You must get the latest poll results with connections like that. Would you tell us why you nearly always report only the 70 to 80% results for Bush on the war without giving the result of other questions on the polls? We refer to the consistent majority that say the Democrats are better for the economy and that they think Cheney/Bush is for big business. A: That's an easy one. The only important poll is to show that the president is supported by most of the country. It's part of the war effort. It would be un-American to show anything negative about the administration. Q: Has Ari told you that they intend to roll back regulations that prevent government contracts from being awarded to those industries that commit environmental and safety violations? A: That is to be expected. All industries must do their part in the war effort -- even those industries. We need them all to get Osama's ass. Q: So it is true that Cheney/Bush is exploiting the war to facilitate its anti-environmental agenda, Mr. Straightpooper? A: That charge is just a futile effort by the Democrats to hinder the war effort.
A: Of course not. They are just reminders by the Cheny/Bush administration to encourage Americans to pray for our troops. Q: That's pretty close to being a mixing of church and state, isn't it? A: Of course not. No one will be forced to pray or go to soup kitchens or get pregnant or vote the way their pastor does. They just better watch their mouth and not piss off Ashcroft. Now, I really have to be getting back to the White House. They put out a really fantastic hot brunch for us and I don't want to be late so one more question and I'm gone. Q: It is known that Bush gives White House reporters and other friends a nickname. What is yours? A: [looking pleased]. You know how a reporter likes to scoop other reporters? He must think I'm one of the best. His nickname for me is SCOOPER. Q: Thank you for your time, Mr. Straightpooper. A: My pleasure, GenderGappers.
2002-006
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Q:
Oh? What about the decision to have a fetus
called an unborn child and the drive to allow ministers/priest to express
their politics and endorse candidates from the pulpit and the program called
"faith based?" Aren't they all in support of the religious right
agenda?
