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- G e n d e r G a p p e r s T M
ARI BRIEFS THE WHITE HOUSE PRESS CORP IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE
| "Now that
the nonsense of Mother's Day is over, the world can turn its full attention
to something important, like Father's Days -- all 364 of them.
After all, we have a war to fight and the promise that it will take years,
maybe forever -- how lucky can we get?
"We live in a world where boys of any age are called men and women of any age are called girls. It's only natural for the adults to take over and put things to right. "American schools are being prepared by administration officials to teach 'proper' civics -- that's democracy with the improvements to the Constitution added by Attorney General Ashcroft. Girls will be moved out of competition with men as we drive them from welfare into marriage. It is a travesty that girls were ever allowed to earn ¾ the pay given men in comparable jobs. "Environmental control legislation during the horrible Clinton years is being amended so that big corporations can pollute at will. Research into alternate forms of energy will continue to be severely restricted by this administration. We will emphatically advocate complete dependence on fossil fuels. "Let me review the recent history leading up to these changes for the newcomers to our briefings. The preparation for putting the country to right has been going on for years but only became visible to the public when our first oil-sovereign, George Herbert Walker Bush was elected president. "The strategy was defined by the then ultra-secrete Vast Right Wing Conspiracy [VRWC]. George the 1st would serve for 8 years and then his sons and their sons would succeed him ad infinitum, making the House of Bush the first American Royal Family. Their royal crest is a field of oil wells on scorched earth. "A great deal of thought and preparation went into planning this change in the government structure. The Saudis were immensely helpful, not only as role models but as partners in the VRWC's quest to control the world production of oil. "Things were going great until Iraq threw the first monkey wrench into our well-laid plans following the Gulf War. Saddam threatened to burn his oil fields rather than let them be taken over by the Saudi-American royals. Then fortune frowned on us again when American voters denied G1 a second term.
"In his four years in office, G1 had also instigated conspiracies abroad such as the Iran-Contra affair. Only the very tip of that iceberg was ever revealed. This country was ripe for the royal take-over planned for his second term when it would ostensibly be bailed out by Saudi money culminating in the coronation of King George1. "The election of President Clinton brought democracy back from the brink. He worked mightily to foster world peace and raise the standard of living in Third World Countries. He trimmed the budget excesses and stopped inflation. That resulted in the reduction of the national debt and eventually a budget surplus. "Worst of all, Clinton encouraged environmental conservation and research into conservation and alternate energy to replace the country's dependency on oil. He was coming close to ruining all our plans. What he was doing was unconscionable and we fought back in our usual manner with dirty tricks. "Throughout his two terms as president, a furious VRWC dogged Clinton, his family and his administration every step of the way spreading unfounded rumors and making spurious charges. Never have so few had so much mud thrown on them from so many as we investigated nearly everyone in his administration at least once. "Fortunately for us, he lied about sex and made some unpopular pardons when he left office. That, along with our false allegations, instilled anger and distrust for the political process in many Americans. We played on their anger and distrust to bring forth George Walker Bush, 'Dubya' a hopelessly flawed Clowner, Crown Prince (propped up, of course by his father's staff.) "We carefully refused to comment on or admit his womanizing, his drug and alcohol abuse, his participation in an abortion, his desertion from duty in the National Guard and his inability to speak his own mother-tongue. Because of the low election turnout we came fairly close to Gore's majority, as you know. Fortunately, the Conspiracy owned both Florida and the Supreme Court and was able to corral the majority of the Electoral College. "Once B2 was in office we immediately began to undo the harm inflicted by Clinton and the Democrats. Multilateralism was firmly rejected and we aggressively pursued our own US-first agenda. We dumped the Kyoto agreements, trade agreements, arms control and set out to reinstall Starwars and stockpile new generations of mini-nukes. When the economy started to go into the toilet the Saudi^Òs were invaluable, especially for their involvement in the attack on the Towers and Pentagon, in putting the USA onto a permanent war basis this year. That put us firmly into deficit financing and allowed us to steal from Social Security and Medicare and build up a huge military. "Now the grand plan of the VRWC is in full flower under the management of G1's former staff, Cheney, Rumsfeld and the rest. We keep G2 harmlessly engaged in raising money and making announcements, and we make sure the voters are continually terrorized and uninformed with the help of you stalwarts of the media. "This applies mostly to female voters who are easily frightened. Poll show that we can depend on most men to vote for GOP candidates but the girls need to believe their families are in danger and it would be disastrous to change leadership in wartime. Karl Rove is giving all contributors to our Party a 9/11-related picture (defining moment) of G2. This is to connect patriotism to their donation and make them think they are contributing to the war effort. "Be sure to see Karl to pick up your checks and instructions on how to lie about the recent revelation that G2 knew about the 9/11 attack in advance. We have frightened females ready to vote for us now but the GenderGap can defeat us again if girls start thinking for themselves." 2002-020
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"The
election of Clinton was a calamity! It was a huge setback in the plans
to royalize the Constitution. During his term in office, G1 had followed
the Conspiracy's scheme to weaken the country by saddling it with a huge
national debt and a debilitating recession. Jobs were scarce and unemployment
was topping the charts. 