HEAVENLY HASH

The Attending Angel backed away, bowing as it went. "I'll get them right away, Your Worship." Soon it returned with Mo and Jes in tow.

"Yeah Boss, you rang," Jes, looking more like a hippie than ever, said as he trotted into the room closely followed by Mo. YahAllahweh waved them to a couple of cushy clouds. When they were seated, he continued his rant.

"Many of our followers on Earth engage in war. They foster poverty and rape of the environment. And lately it has become pandemic, why?

"That part of the world I gave you to administer is overrun with people. They are way oversexed. I told you to put a crimp in their reproduction. It's terrible too that your own representatives on Earth are screwing everything in sight, especially little children. How could you allow that to happen, Jes, especially after your big "suffer little children" speech?

"I really tried, Boss," Jes protested, "but every time I get something going they invent a remedy. I tried starvation but they just improved their farming methods; floods and they build better dams. I thought I had deflated the problem recently but they went and invented Viagra.

"Most of the women really are trying though. That is, most of them want to use family planning to limit the number of children they have. They want to have safe methods of birth control, and abortion where necessary. Most are choosing small families or remaining childless..."

"Good for them but it doesn't seem to be working very well."

"That's because of that best seller you wrote. You gave free will to your creations and it seems they are using your Holy words to inflict their will on others," Jes retorted.

YahAllahweh turned his attention to Mo. "And you! Whatever possessed you to promise so damn many virgins to your lot? Do you think they grow on trees up here? What were you thinking? Now they are rushing out and killing innocent children just to get laid. It isn't seemly."

"Excellency. What can I say. You always want more soldiers up here. Promising 72 virgins to a Muslim who dies killing infidels was the best way to get them. Like with Jes, I'm limited by your writings. The descendants of those two brothers you gave the land to think you called each of them the chosen ones and gave them the sacred land."

"Well, I thought the brothers would share power instead of trying to knock each other off. I admit it, I goofed, big time. But that's no excuse for what is going on down there now."

"We've been watching all of it," Mo offered. "In fact we have been investigating this situation for some time because it seemed to be getting worse after January of 2001."

Jes rose from his seat nodding in agreement. "We discovered that it is all about power. Sex, in itself is not the problem. But it becomes one when it is used by those in positions of power to hurt others. War, of course, is the ultimate power play. If you don't like the leader of another country and want his oil wells, knock him off."

"Same with the environment," agreed Mo. "Those greedy for power don't give a rat's ass what happens to the air or water as long as they get their greedy mitts on oil rights."

"So, you say they are killing the earth in their headlong pursuit of wealth and power and somehow they think some things in the book I wrote gave them permission? It seems to me they have missed the point of many of my admonitions. They were written for the early times not the 21st century.

"Are you telling me they avoid pork or never mix fabric types in their clothing? I wrote that and other cautions too. No? I thought not, they just pick and choose what they want to believe. But surely some of them must realize that the Earth is fast approaching over-population?"

"Yes, Excellency, they do." Mo agreed. "Some realize that when you wrote it, the people needed to be fruitful and multiply but that now things are much different and all should be working to slow down and stop the population growth."

Jus nodded his agreement adding, "And fighting against that, of course, are those seeking power over others by using their religious interpretation of your word to enslave and control."

"All that plus a huge war about to break out. You want me to throw a few thunderbolts around -- get their attention with a burning Bush alongside a sizzling Saddam?" thundered YahAllahweh.

"No, not right now," Jes cautioned. "That might inflame them even more and give them an excuse for more acts of vengeance and power grabs. We need you to be subtler. You can remove support from one of the combatants by using your Heavenly influence on their voters in the upcoming elections. We need your authorization to get those who are planning wars and laying waste to the Earth out of office. It's not without precedence. Their Supreme Court did it so why not a Supreme Being?"

"And on the other side," Mo suggested. "Weapons of mass destruction are often subject to catastrophic accidents. A touch here, a touch there and -- BOOM! We'd be very careful and it would only wipe out their ability to terrorize with germ or atomic warfare without harming people."

YahAllahweh pondered these suggestions for awhile and then proclaimed, "Make it so! But if this doesn't slow down the destruction of my Earth and give me some peace and quiet, I'm bloody well going for the thunderbolts."

twanda@gendergappers.org       

2002-036

Copyright 2002 Renee T. Louise and Ruth M. Sprague, Ph.D. These articles may be republished for noncommercial use only, provided that they are copied intact, and that this copyright notice is attached. Address all queries to: twanda@twanda.org.