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- G e n d e r G a p p e r s T M
PRACTICAL MORALITY
Besides maple syrup, Ben & Jerry's, Civil Unions, and Howard Dean,
we Vermonters have still more to give a nation tottering on the edge of
extinction, weighted down by excess costs of providing for an aging population.
As the compassionate one in the Oval Office has instructed, young workers should not have to bear the burden of old, unproductive elders who contribute only farts and burps while bellying up to the public trough. Yes, we have the solution to this monetary drain. We used to take our elders out on sub zero nights, plant them in a snow bank and let them painlessly freeze to death. This was before Social Security and we couldn't afford to feed them over the harsh winters. Now some would say that they were supposed to be revived in the spring when food became plentiful but there is no evidence that anyone really bothered. Times were very hard. The most compassionate among us would, of course, load grandma and grandpa up on apple jack or dandelion wine prior to freezing; then we wouldn't have to tie them to a tree to make them stay out there in the frigid weather. The next morning we'd be rewarded by the smile on their frozen faces, and their bodies would be ready for stacking until warmer weather drove the frost out of the ground so we could give them a decent, compassionate-Christian burial. There was no need for getting a "cause of death" from any doctor since there was no doubt at all about what they died from. They died from freezing to death. Think of all the money Social Security would save with this practice now! Today there would be no problem of morality associated with this custom either. We have a chief executive who approves of the death penalty and has demonstrated that particular Christian value by killing off many Texans on death row while he was the governor of that state. He would be supported by his new Attorney General, Alberto Gonzales, who advised him in Texas; and later was his White House lawyer advising him that torture was A-OK at Gitmo, Afghanistan and Iraq. After all, there were plenty of young soldiers down the chain of command to blame if any ultra sensitive people or Democratic Girley-men found out about it and traitorously complained. Besides, the groundwork for blame is already laid in the coming debate on Social Security reform. Young people are being turned against their elders and encouraged to take money, that should be supporting their elders, out of their payroll deductions. Young people would then be free to use the money to have fun by gambling in the stock market believing that they would make a packet of cash for their old age. Possibly they would never dream that their service in never-ending Bush wars could eliminate their need for the money. And, if they escaped military service intact there would still be the Vermont solution standing by to get their worthless, wasteful butts off the dole. With all the money saved, the Attorney General would have resources to mount a full scale assault on doctors and women who might be considering or advising any kind of birth control. As an extra bonus, elders would not be running up Medicare expenses so there would be plenty of money available to provide free Viagra to every male over the age of 8. Sure, this practice would result in a glut in the birth pipeline but that would soon be weeded out by women dying from back-alley abortions, war, below zero weather and compassionate Christian grandkids eager to serve God and be true patriots. Hallelujah! 2005-005 Copyright 2005 Renee T. Louise and Ruth M. Sprague, Ph.D. These articles may be republished for noncommercial use only, provided that they are copied intact, and that this copyright notice is attached. Address all queries to: gapperserve@peoplepc.com. |